Use Astrology to Manipulate your Boss
Does your boss give you what you want? Are you a respected member of the team or a mere peon? Are you included in the decision-making process, or do you just get blamed when the boss's decisions backfire? The workplace today is complex, unstable and personality-driven — and since astrology is the key determinant of everyone's personality, knowing your boss's zodiac sign could be a key first step up the ladder of professional success!
Aries bosses are creatures of habit; their patterns are easily recognizable, and they stick to them. They like things to stay the same — but they don't realize they feel this way. You can look like the most efficient worker by studying your manager's simple work patterns and appearing to anticipate what is needed and when.
Taurus bosses are all business, all the time. Their idea of on-the-job chitchat is to bark that they'll be available on their cell phone as they leave to run an errand. Your strategy is to discover the Taurus' off-the-job interests and manipulate your way onto common ground. If your boss is a baseball nut, wear your Red Sox cap to work and brush up on trivia. Expect a promotion and an invite to the company's stadium luxury box.
Independent Gemini's like to work on things alone; those whose assistance they need function merely as machines. As a Gemini's minion, you were hired because you were the best person for the job. To manipulate your boss, keep her focused on the task at hand (Gemini's are easily distracted) and earn her trust
A Cancer boss trusts his employees to do things without much meddling, but don't ever expect to be given credit. Two things work well for controlling your Crab: punctuality and flattery. If your boss typically arrives five minutes before a meeting, be there ten minutes early — the Crab will consider you a hard worker and an asset to the company.
The Lion knows no defeat, be it in the jungle or the boardroom. The way to make your Leo boss notice you (and thus become vulnerable to manipulation) is through boldfaced flattery. Let your boss know that you purchased a particular product because he uses it. Your Leo honcho will consider you an expert when you follow his lead!
Virgo bosses expect precision and attention to detail from themselves and naturally, from those on their payroll. The best way to manipulate your Virgo is to ignore her, perhaps even ask her to give you written instructions instead of verbal ones. Once her antisocial ways have been turned against her, your Virgo boss will come begging for a little understanding.
Read Leo above, but in this case, direct flattery at your Libra boss's prowess in defeating corporate enemies. Libras are master manipulators and love having the inside track, so make yourself indispensable by finding and relaying all the best company gossip.
Your Scorpio boss is very secretive. Your first rule of thumb, therefore, is to never discuss your private life or personal affairs. Stick to company business and distinguish yourself from the crowd by refusing to engage in water cooler chitchat. Scorpio will become curious about you and prize your commitment. Expect a raise after the others are laid off!
If you're employed by a Sagittarius, carry an eraser; every day is a clean slate. To keep the company going, you may have to pay attention to little things like profits when the boss isn't around; to keep your Sagittarian boss on an even keel, simply applaud his grand vision and challenge him to take it even further.
The best way to curry favor with a Goat boss is by revealing your own rags-to-riches story — with your boss playing a crucial role in the narrative. All Capricorns believe they single-handedly dragged themselves up the ladder of success; once they're in positions of authority, charity to those like themselves is not only commonplace, it's part of their ongoing life drama!
Working under an Aquarius is both a blessing and a curse. You'll be valued for the unique gifts you bring to the office. But you'll also be expected to master new technologies with very little training, and be shunned if you ask for help twice. Stay on the boss's good side by being the first to know about that hot new software product, or that hip restaurant near the office.
Your Pisces boss will expect you to understand an assignment with little communication. This can lead to all sorts of trouble, so learn to manipulate the Fish by asking him to draw pictures of whatever he's discussing. The Pisces prefers nonverbal communication; this strategy will make you an office confidante to the Fish in charge.
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